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Many times we have talked about the consequences that certain actions of parents have and can have on the development of their children, more specifically, on self-esteem, self-concept and self-confidence. Normally we refer to overprotection and its negative consequences on the development of children (insecurity, lack of autonomy, etc.) But in this case, we are going to address strict educational style and its consequences on the development of children. From authoritarian parents ... insecure children.
Parental educational styles can be defined as the way in which parents educate their children, the authority they exercise over them and the type of rules they apply. The following styles are usually distinguished: authoritarian, democratic, overprotective or permissive and negligent.
Many parents confuse authority with being authoritarian, and it is not the same, far from it. Therefore we have to clarify is that being an authoritarian parent is not the same as being an authoritative parent and that to be the authority it is not necessary to be authoritarian (and when we speak of father, we refer to father and / or mothers).
- A parent who has authority
I am an authoritative parent at home when I listen to my son, his opinions and thoughts regarding the rules, for example, I promote his autonomy, I respect his ideas, etc. and at the same time I have a firm control of the norms and limits in the home, although these can sometimes be flexible and I impose reasonable consequences (this is what corresponds to the democratic educational style). In these cases, children usually recognize in their parents that authority that adults usually claim, from mutual respect.
- An authoritarian father
In the case of authoritarian parents, by contrast, relationships at home are based more on power relationships and the assertion of this power through discipline. They focus a lot on the child's 'obedience'.
What kind of father do you want to be?
Let's delve into the type of parent that concerns us today: authoritarian parents. We can say that authoritarian style is characterized by:
- Many rules and very rigid and with little participation of children
It is clear that the parents are the ones who set the rules in the home, but this does not mean that the children are not involved, at least by explaining the rules and the consequences and negotiating with them on occasions.
- More punishments than reinforcements
Punishments are on many occasions 'disproportionate' and sometimes they play with the 'withdrawal' of affection as a consequence. These have very little beneficial effects for children, who identify affection with obedience ("if I'm bad, they don't want me").
- Lack of dialogue
In the case of authoritarian education, there is hardly any dialogue between parents and children and children tend to 'fear' their parents.
- Parents seek affirmation of power through discipline
Often this type of education is based on the idea that I should be respected for the simple fact that I am the father / mother, but respect is not usually two-way.
- Obedience is above all
The maximum objective is that the child is obedient.
- Does not usually take into account children's emotions
With the consequences that not teaching children to manage and understand their emotions has.
It is clear that the way children are brought up has consequences on their development, but also in their personality, in their social relationships, in their emotions ... Many parents are not aware of the importance that educational styles have for the development of their children and, although it is clear that we are not perfect and that sometimes we will or we won't get there, the important thing is to know how what we do and how we educate can influence.
In the case of children who receive too strict an education, these are some of the consequences they can suffer.
1. Fearful and not very participative children
Children of authoritarian parents are usually fearful, timid children, who do not take risks or are not very participatory in situations in which there is an authority figure present (in the classroom or at home) for fear of doing something wrong.
2. Aggressive children
But they are also susceptible to being more aggressive children, since this style does not favor the development of emotional self-regulation and self-control in children. The child behaves well to avoid punishment, but not because it is to manage his frustration if he knows how to control impulses or emotions.
3. Children with low self-esteem
They are children with low self-esteem, who have little confidence in themselves. They are used to following the norm and therefore have little confidence in being able to do something for themselves spontaneously.
4. Children who do not talk about how they feel
These children often have difficulty expressing emotions and feelings.
5. Submissive children
They do not question authority and are obedient, sometimes submissive. That is why they do not usually express or defend their ideas or thoughts.
6. Authoritarian future adults
In addition, the children of authoritarian parents are more likely to be authoritarian parents in the future, since it is the model they have learned and there is a tendency to repeat learned patterns when we are adults. So the consequences of this style, not only affect childhood, but also influences the construction of their personality and therefore will also affect their adolescence, youth and adult life.
Therefore, as parents we have to try to find balance in the education of our children, without going overboard but not falling short either. We must adapt to the various situations that arise, bearing in mind that we are not perfect and that we can 'make mistakes'.
You can read more articles similar to From authoritarian parents, insecure children. Consequences of a very strict education, in the category of Self-esteem on site.