Conduct

Why you should NOT raise obedient children (even if it is more comfortable)

Why you should NOT raise obedient children (even if it is more comfortable)


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I recently witnessed a dynamic where the speaker asked a group of parents what were the main characteristics of what we would call 'a good boy'. 90% of the attendees marked the same option: obedient.

Indeed, that is the reality. Parents and teachers want or want our children to be obedient, and it is for a simple reason: children who obey give less work. Let's stop to think then; Should we educate obedient children? Should we look for other qualities in them?

An obedient child or student does not argue, does what you tell them and does not bother. But as parents or teachers we must ask ourselves: What am I doing in him? What effects does that obedience have on him? Is it good for him or for me?

If we reflect, we find out quickly. The general behavior of an obedient child is submission, dependency, lack of freedom in making decisions, lack of creativity and proactivity. Obedience kills spontaneity and when a child is not spontaneous he ceases to be a child.

All parents should make a game that I propose. It is about imagining the following questions: How will my older children be with the education that I am giving them? How would I like my children to be as adults? And how do I wish they were not?

The answer always comes to me first of how I would like them to NOT be, and I would not like them to be submissive, or dependent on others, without critical attitude, without proactivity, with fear of making decisions or insecure.

Therefore, we must work to educate in responsibility and the positive of obedience. Obedience is fine as I respect the other, to the adult or reference, but it must be clear that obedience is useless if we do not teach to be responsible.

To educate children in responsibility, the first thing we must do is avoid authoritarianism. We cannot educate the voice of command, since with this attitude we put a barrier to responsibility.

I offer you several ideas so that you can train responsibility at home.

1. Establish norms and limits jointly and by consensus. Listen to their opinion, write those rules together.

2. Don't take anything for granted, for granted or of course. ask them, uses challenging questions that motivate them to action and awareness.

3. Give them the opportunity to make small decisions, adjusted for their age, and respect them. They may not conform to what you decide, but if you see that it is not harmful for them, respect them.

4. Give them some family chore for which they can be held responsible. It is important that they agree and commit to doing it.

5. Favors all the autonomythat they are capable of assuming.

And remember that education is a process. Not because you raise these changes you are going to see results the first day. It is important that you keep in mind that acts of responsibility in children are not rewarded, they are done because they are their mission. However, what you can do is thank you.

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