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How to be a good parent in 10 lessons

How to be a good parent in 10 lessons


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If you are not yet a father or mother and you want to know if you have the courage to do it, here are 10 lessons to prove it, with a pinch of humor, of course. After all, babies do not arrive with an instruction and user manual under their arm. That is why it is very important that those who are released as parents, know what this wonderful role that they will play from now on is about.

1) To live the pregnancy experience: Hang a bag of chickpeas at belly height, adding a handful every day for nine months. After nine months, open the bag and remove 90 percent of the chickpeas.

2) Before launching into having children, look for a partner who already has them and submit them to study. Criticize their methods of imposing discipline, their lack of patience, their lousy tolerance levels, and give them the green for allowing their children to act like savages. Suggest ways to improve children's behavior at bedtime, peeing, or eating. Take advantage, it will be the last time you will have all the answers.

3) To get an IDEA of what the nights will be like, get a wet pillow of between 4 and 6 kilos, and walk around the room carrying it in her arms, without sitting down, from 5 in the afternoon until 10 at night. At 10 o'clock at night, drop the cushion, set the alarm clock to go off at 12 o'clock, and go to sleep. When the alarm goes off at 12, get up and walk the pillow back around the living room while you sing lullabies in the dark. Repeat at 2 AM, 4 AM and 6 AM. Optional: at 4 AM you can go for a drive with the cushion. Follow this routine for 5 years. Always put on a good face.

4) Is it possible to put up with children inside the house? To find out, smear nocilla on the sofa and jam on the curtains. Hide a piece of battered fish behind the stereo and leave it there for the whole summer. Stick your fingers in the pots and then drag them across the Cleaner walls. Draw over the spots with colored pencils. Buy 5 doberman puppies and let them frolic in your bedroom.

5) Dressing a little boy is simple: First, buy an octopus, ask the greengrocer for a bag of net and try to insert the octopus into the bag so that none of the tentacles come out of the holes in the net. Do not worry, you can dedicate the whole morning to it.

6) School-age children: save an (empty) egg box. Using scissors and markers, turn it into a funny crocodile. Now gather a tetra-brik container, a ping-pong ball and an empty cereal packet and build an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. He begins this work at 11 at night, which would be the time he finds out that IT IS FOR TOMORROW. Excellent! Now wait for criticism from the teacher.

7) Trade the two-door car for a station wagon. And don't wash it anymore. After all, it is a family car, with no resale value. Buy a chocolate ice cream and smash it in the glove compartment. Put two 10 cent coins in the compact. Buy a family packet of cookies. Mash them for a long time on the back seats. Get out of the car, and scratch both sides of the vehicle with the key. Perfect!

8) Go to the supermarket. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a child under the age of four (an adult goat is ideal). If you plan to have more than one child, take two goats loose. Do the shopping for a week without losing sight of the goats. Have discussions with the security officers at the supermarket, moving up the ladder (but always without losing sight of the goats). When you get to the manager, change the supermarket.

9) Feed a child. Buy a melon, empty it, and poke a small hole in the side. Hang it from the ceiling and bang it to make it sway. Now have a plate with pumpkin puree ... Try to put spoonfuls of puree inside the melon, while pretending to be an airplane. Keep trying until you finish half the puree. The rest, pour it onto your lap, and spread a lot on the floor.

10) The toilet of the creature. Get an adult cat (preferably stray or semi-wild). Put on your best suit if you are a man or socks and high heels if you are a woman. Fill the bathtub with warm water and rubber toys. Then introduce the cat and wash it with shampoo. After rinsing it and drying it with a towel, follow the procedure previously indicated with the octopus and the net bag. Repeat every night for 5 years.

You can read more articles similar to How to be a good parent in 10 lessons, in the category of Celebrations on site.


Video: 11 Parenting Mistakes That Ruin a Childs Growth (July 2022).


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